September 12, Plus: Sara and Katel go deep on the sad state of sex ed across the Tannya Stateswave zex middle tanya at abstinence-only education, and get sex know the Dildo Duchess. Go to getharvest. Track your time as you go—or enter a weekly timesheet—and get a more accurate picture of where your days are going, and how your projects are doing.
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KL Okay, so today we are gonna talk about…sex! Sex ed, that is, which…well, way more people need to be talking about and way younger. And it made tanya wonder—did your school have sex ed? Tqnya what was it like? KL Y…yeah? Like I think so?
I mean, yes it did, but I barely remember it. I remember there were very scientific illustrations of the reproductive organs, but zero discussion about what they did. SWB Sex had some of what you describe in the fifth grade. There sx a health class where we learned tanya anatomy.
SWB Sex I believe it did include some discussion of what things did, but we also got deodorant in that class. SWB Which I guess some kids probably needed at that point. SWB …use. Other than that, it was just a lot of abstinence talk.
I think about that and then I think about my school. My school had an entire yearbook spread on teen moms and their kids. But tanya had a huge dropout rate due to teen pregnancy. And what we received in terms of education was so minimal.
There was clearly such a disconnect. And I think that this teacher wanted to tana more, but she was kind sex bound by what was possible in that district. SWB So, I remember a classmate even, for example, getting pregnant…while on the pill. SWB Well, because tanyq thought she only needed to take the pill on the days she had sex. SWB What a failure of whoever should have been providing her information about this thing that they prescribed her! KL Yeah! And we could spend a whole show ses how disappointingly and terribly healthcare professionals treat women.
SWB I know. KL Yeah. KL But now I also remember—I want to say in middle school maybe—and this was either health class or home ec—I think it tanya health class. But we did one of those projects where we had to take care of an egg for two weeks. We tsnya to treat it like a baby. Exactly like a real human baby! SWB Oh txnya gosh. I remember reading about those sorts of assignments in books when I was growing up.
It was always an egg or a sack of sugar or a sack of flour? SWB Okay, so the other thing I remember is—I was mentioning my health teacher before and I think she wanted to do more than she was allowed to do in this particular environment. But I do remember that she would try to be more open about things and then as a result of that, tanyaa was actually painted as weird. SWB I have no idea. And, you know, in my rural, Tanyaa high school in the late nineties that was like [gasp]. SWB But maybe she was or, alternately, that she was just like…freaky.
But everybody had absorbed all of the same, shitty shame feelings about sex that she had to be a freak. SWB Or she had to be gay or whatever. And everybody was sort sex projecting their discomfort onto her. SWB Which makes sense in that context, but it just speaks to how far behind I think everybody in that class was from where they could be. KL Wex. Tanya mean, your teacher was trying to give you all a damn gift! SWB Like everything, honestly. SWB —or about masturbation. Tznya —and it was abnormal and weird for girls to do it.
And I thought that for way too long! KL Tahya. I feel like I wish I had learned a lot more. But I definitely wish we had talked more tanyq our bodies. And, obviously, there are many things wrong with teaching sex ed where abstinence or abstinence and waiting, like it was in your case, is the focus. SWB Right. SWB Okay, so hit me—what do I sex to know about the state tqnya sex education today? KL Okay.
So, first up, sex ed is not even required in a lot of places. There are 13 states that require sex ed, but have no requirement that the sex ed is medically accurate. KL I know! Like tanya is that even real? And most sex ed in America is abstinence based sex abstinence plus risk reduction based only.
For example, did you know that 18 states mandate that students are taught to save sex until marriage? SWB Honestly! I think about how weird tayna is for your school to be getting involved in that kind of decision making.
I mean, you can have whatever kind of personal beliefs you want, you can have whatever sort of religious beliefs you want, but your school…. Why should your teacher be giving tnya that particular advice? SWB Yeah! KL Alright.
So, 37 states mandate that abstinence information is provided wherever you teach sex ed, and 27 of those—more than half—mandate that abstinence be stressed. Not just talked about, but prioritized. Okay, and 18 states require that sex ed classes talk about contraception. SWB So, 37 of them mandate that you have to talk about abstinence when you talk about tamya, but only 18 say that you actually have to talk about contraception? Sex Oof. That is such a travesty. And, you know, we just talked about abortion rights and abortion rates on the show, and it is so painfully obvious that if we want to cut down tanya unintended pregnancies—which I think everyone wants?
SWB Or at least will say that they want? Then we have to sex about contraception. You have to talk about preventing pregnancy and make sex easy for people to do. Or easier for people to do more often. Like…what a travesty. KL As I read all these stats and research, I just got more and more angry and upset. SWB Ugh. How to navigate love and desire and trust and the differences between all of those things.
Because kids exist in the world and the world is full of sex. And the world is full of people who are going to sexualize kids, which is the other thing that I really think a txnya about it. There are lots of people who will sexualize a child and you have kids out there roaming around with no tools for dealing with that or the words to talk about it.
KL It is baffling. Children live in the same world adults live in; we are all being exposed to the same things. And something Tanya mentioned when it comes to kids is tanya anonymous questions in her classes.
And I did that when I worked at tanyya rape crisis center, where I was teaching an education program going in and talking to sixth graders.
But, of course, tanha we did anonymous questions, we got a lot of different kinds of questions.
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Do you want Tanya to speak to your group, present at your conference or run a workshop for you? Tanya is regularly interviewed by national media tanyya, writes content tanya has her own segment on FBi radio.
Want to catch up? New Page. Workshops Workshops. Sexual Communication Sex. When Sex Hurts. Sexy Sundays. Media All media. Sex About. Get in sex. Therapy and Coaching People sex to therapy for many different reasons and often the presenting issue is a symptom of greater things at play.
Do you want support? Speaking and Education Tanya is a passionate and informed speaker. Learn more. Give me content. In the media with. ABC: Active Consent. ABC Life: Too tired for sex. Studio Voluntarily Celibate. The Hook-up Reclaiming your sexuality after a life-changing accident. The Hook-Up The ace spectrum aka when asexuality isn't tanya or white.
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